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Oct. 24th, 2008

lest we forget

If hunger isn't the problem, eating is not the solution

Height: 4'11
SW 9/28/08: 205.2lbs
CW 10/18/08: 195.2lbs

I have been having a rough week.
I haven't been tracking my points attentively  as I like.
Other problems have arisen , but I'm rolling with the punches
I haven't really been eating much and I had some major IBS problems.
I guess that's what happens when you start a new job.

I have been eating healthy regardless and my apeitite is down a lot. When I eat I'm pretty healthy , even it it's point heavy .. salads with beans and grilled chicken can be 7+ without dressing ekkk so I only eat like 3/4 of it. I know the veggies will give me energy so I'd rather have a salad with romaine lettce and chicken and black beans than a couple of veggie free chicken tacos.  
I eat around 24 points a day and I should stay in the range of 26-30 so if I miscalculated I have some bumper there.

I've lost ten pounds. 5.4 pounds this week. I think it was water weight to be honest.
I think I might gain some back this week (i really hope not though) or maybe my loss didn't show last week because of my TOM
My new job has been working me.
I'm on my feet all day and left heavy stuff and have to be quick on my feet so that's

I have been drastically reducing my sugar intake this week. I had only a touch of candy and have been steering clear of white chocolate , my weakness. I keeps some on hand just in case I have to have it. But I've hidden from my eyes ... I had a slice of pizza that was like 13 points this week and I didn't eat it all. I think that this is that was a rare occasion in my life , me not finishing a slice of pizza (beside not eating thick crusts of coarse)

I normally finish stuff like that till there's nothing left to scavenge but lately I've been ok with not eating everything on my plate. To me this in it self is a non scale victory. Maybe I'll resign from the clean plate club and get more in control of what I put it my mouth.

Oct. 20th, 2008

lest we forget

close but no cigar

Awww this weekeend has been mighty busy.
I didn't track my points yesterday and I did it this morning and I went over 6 points :(
Oh well .. today is another day nd I have good news.
I got a job.
It's at Fraiche, a fro yo cafe ... it focuses on healthy and freshness. I'm not so worried about the calories or gaining because I'm sure I will be super tired of it in the next couple of months.

I also lost some weight this week.. a pound.

Height: 4'11
SW 9/28/08: 205.2lbs
CW 10/18/08: 200.6lbs

I hope I reach the 5 pound mark on Saturday *crosses fingers*

I want to lose 8-10 pounds by my birthday which is 4 weeks. I thikn i can .. I think i can....

I think I need more activity. Gym rat this week.
I realllllly need to drink all my water and eat less dairy this week and more veggies...

Oct. 16th, 2008

lest we forget

Food Addiction and moi

I have been doing a little research ..
I think I might be a compulsive eater. I can eat an entire cabinet of food if I feel like it.
it can be emotional, boredom, or just self-destruction.
In the process I have found a couple of books that make sense to me .. I'm not ready to become a vegetarian or I might not eve be one. I don't think it;s for me because I really don't enjoy tofu in anything other than soup.. that really limits me as a vegetarian .... but what ever .. I found what Dr. Neal Barnard had to say... I'm reading his books Breaking the Food Seduction right now and find it very enlightening.

Is food your drug .. well in some ways it really can be Collapse )

Oct. 14th, 2008

lest we forget

from my cold dead hands


I was thinking of things I'm not going to change when I'm on WW. 

  1. I will always stay an optimist-If I hit a plateau , which is pretty likely, I will try my hardest to remind myself of how far I've come. A lifestyle change as a habit is a great undertaking and those whom can accomplish this should be proud through and through.
  2. I will always drink coffee-You will have to pry my iced latte away from me. I love espresso beverages. To me they are essential in my life functions. I like them because I use soy milk for my dairy. 
  3. I will always read-I'm reading all sorts of things. Either diet books or self acceptance books , I'm going to challenge my opinions and other's opinions. 
  4. I will always want to be myself-I'm a lazy person and have hated exercise since I was in first grade. I will try my hardest to switch it up and make it all about the activity but when push comes to shove I'm lazy. It will take a lot of effort and persistence to get me get physical.
  5. I will still love food-I have major food lust, whether it's fried chicken or vanilla carmel cupcakes , I will love food. I love food like someone might love their ex. In a healthy way , with enough distance to curve temptation. 

The one thing that I never liked about weight watchers is that they want change. Which is understandable , but some people should retain something about themselves while they continue their journey of weight loss? They are the people that lose the weight , not WW. WW will not rip that pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream out of your hands at 1 am on a Wednesday night , you're the one with the control and the power to be the person you are . WW is guidelines to be a better you , not a different person , just healthier and more responsible your food and exercise choices. 


Oct. 11th, 2008

lest we forget

Week two 3.6 lost

My week was good here are the numbers:

Height: 4'11
SW 9/28/08: 205.2lbs
CW 10/11/08: 201.6lbs
I lost 3.6lbs ! 83lbs to go !!!

this week I:
really made an effort to drink all my water
ate a ton of salad

My goal this week is reduce the amount of sugar, meat, and cheese I eat. I'm going to try make choose healthier alternatives. I also want to exercise a couple more times this week a little bit. My 25th birthday is 6 weeks away. I would like to be 10 lbs healthier by 11/21/2008. I would like to fit into jeans and at the size I am now I just can't find jeans that are cute and fit well. It would be a nice gift to myself.

I want to continue my success next week and shed these pounds in a healthy way this week. Water, tracking, activity, and positivity. I hope you all have a nice week.

x-posted in

Oct. 9th, 2008

a creature of truth speaks

have read and digested books on fat acceptance
I really don't know what to think
I have to be honest with myself I don't like my fatness and honestly I never have.
I've been overweight since I was in Junior High
I had a woman's body at 13. I was a size 5/7 till my freshman year in high school when I was extremely awkward and hormonal so I ate and staved
I ate a chimichaga or pizza pockets for lunch or maybe nothing because I didn't always have lunch money because I didn't ask my mom.
I don't know what happened but I ballooned and then went on Sommersizing
Low carb and protein heavy ... I ate bacon and cheese and steak and veggies and steered clear of anything with sugar or carbs and when I ate carbs they were low fat and fat free .
it was horrible but I lost 20 lbs  and was probably 135 -140
My junior year I was lonely and still awkward and shy around boys when most girls are boy crazy  I resided to stay home Friday night and make fried pancakes with butter and syrup. I also ate a donut after gym glass cause guess what .. they sold them in the PE teachers office.
They also had vending machines there too.. with ms. fields cookies
for a sorta loner food was my only dependable friend.
sometimes I think if I had more friend in high school I wouldn't have eaten so much.

My senior year I felt beautiful I was about 160 and I had long strawberry blond hair and started working my body
I was no longer so nervous around boys. I wasn't my thinnest but I had a good disposition about my body so I wore low cut tops and tight dresses
I got noticed and by graduation I was floating. I looked good and wore a bikini to raging waters for our senior trip. I was the essence of voluptuous I thought. I got attention for a lot of guys ... I went on a date with a personal trainer and was having an on line relationship with a buff law student in Scottsdale. I also dated one of my brother's friends who saw me at a rock show. He liked my personality and my butt. Needless to say by the end of the summer I was single and lonely again. I started working at Starbucks and gained 20-30 pounds in two years. I was never worried about my weight at this time I really didn't care very much. I worked and ate and partied. I drank a lot with friend as a social lubrication.

In 2004 I started a relationship with my first serious boyfriend. We ate and partied and had lots of fun. He loved me through and through. He liked my body and my heart. It was essentially perfect. I started WW in may 2005 and by august I was down 30 pounds. I also broke up with my perfect boyfriend. I was selfish and needed time, I wanted to see other people .We dated on and off and by November we weren't talking because he had been in a relationship and nixed any possibility of us being together. This frustrated me so much  that I ate and ate and gained my thirty pounds back 2006 . I went on WW and quit again in late may 2006 because my grandma's 10 acre property caught fire. She was unable to walk when my cousin went over to the property to get her out of the house before it caught fire. They took her to the ICU and found out that she had lung cancer and extreme dementia. I ate my way through the pain. If I was upset I ate and that was most of the time. I took on line classes and stayed close so I could visit her. She went to a convelsient home and I basically watched her slowly die over the next three months. She was scarred and I felt guilty because I couldn't do anything to help her feel better. I went to fast food restaurants and ate and drank junk. I ordered a 60 oz of chocolate coke and a hamburger. I gained 15-20 lbs. and I think I could have gained more if I didn't just starve to focus on something else. My poor grandma passed away the beginning of August. At the end of August I went home and I was back to work. In September 2006 I was in the emergency room for bad GURD and went back on WW and didn't loss anything but money.

My parents left for Mexico and I was depressed and lonelier than I have ever been. I had no self respect so I let myself go. I would binge on fast food. I would go to multiple fast food restaurants and order a breakfast sandwich. I ate i n all and watched episodes of The Office. I had to but new clothes my body changed so much. I was finished with school. By May 2007 I was 190 and miserable. I went to the emergency room with pain and found out I gallstones. That would mean surgery. I had the surgery in an emergency in July. I was cut open big time and had a month recovery. I lost 10 lbs. I put my profile on an on line dating site and went on a couple dates. I met Daniel, who I honestly believe is the love of my life. We clicked , he was a musician/chef/horticulturist and I was in love. We ate out a lot and I eventually moved in as I wasn't getting along with my brother and sister in law. I also just loved being with him.  I gained happy pounds, of food made with love. He is amazing and said if I didn't feel that way about myself I should do something about it. So here I am a 24 year woman on WW for the nth time and I  think this time it's for reals. 

It's me that's making me fat.
Not the food or the people around me.
Or my situations , it's me, I'm the one who stays up and eats a whole bag of chips, no person, place, or situation is doing so.
I am the only person in charge here.
I made this realization that it takes more than writing down all the food you ate. it takes a dose of reality. 
There are a million reasons why I ate so much but there's only one person causing those reasons.
it's me and it took me 13 years to put on this horrid fat that I've come to "accept"
But I'm not going to deny myself the right to have a healthy body and mind and it all starts in my mind and my habit.
Old habits die hard has been a theme in my life.
I let things resurface instead of facing them like a big girl I usually would just deny them
temptation is impossible to escape and I must adapt in order to survive for my healths sake.
No more late night binging.
No more mornings of just coffee and pity pie
I will eat and be me
Not the mean fat girl that is socially awkward
I know who i am and I'm a good person who loves with her whole heart
I'm compassionate, thoughtful , and I have integrity
I try to saturate my mind in positivity

Food doesn't isn't my friend

it's food made of of proteins and fats , sugars and fiber

it doesn't speak to me
It's not the food's fault
it's not the cause
I am

I'm a food addict, when shit gets bad I rely on this junk to make me feel better or worse or nothing at all.

Well forget that.

I'm taking a step toward moving on.

Our relationship has changed food.
Food is something to nourish me not damage me.
My mind is made up.

Oct. 6th, 2008

lest we forget

One pound at a time

So I lost one pound
The saldad I ate last night was not in vain

here are this weeks stats:
Current Weight:204.2
Starting Weight:205.2
Total Weight Loss:1
Long term Goal:120
Lbs Till LTG:84.2
Short Term Goal:180
Lbs Till STG:24.2

Oct. 5th, 2008

lest we forget

(no subject)

yesterday was bad
I used up all my flex point allowance and went over
It was due to the fact that my bf doesn't cook and goes out to eat.
It was his birthday yesterday and we didn't eat at home once
Oh well
and I went to get my monthly pass and I lost 0 pounds pooooooo
I guess I'm still adjusting

Oct. 3rd, 2008

lest we forget

Holy razzle dazzle ...

cornish game hens only 6 points for a whole one... I can never eat a whole one and they are so yummy...
I had a big dinner with my parents today but counted it .. I did some contruction so I thought a hearty meal was in order

a Cornish game hen thigh w/ olive oil and seasoning (6)
a small scoop of scalloped potatoes (4)
3 cups of steamed zucchini (1)
and two bread sticks(3)

i had a light lunch and breakfast and a slap of coffee

and my lazy ass has been working and drinking water
I'm not snacking out of control
Hopefully I will continue my winning streak...

Oct. 1st, 2008

lest we forget

Work it girl

Today I went to the gym with my mom

I did cardio for 35 minutes and then weight trainging for a solid 10 minutes

Not much but it felt great exercise

I also made an awesome work out playlist

What Them Girls Like - Ludacris co-starring Chris Brown & Sean Garrett
Volcano Girls– Veruca Salt
Go Girl - Pitbull
Paper Planes Remix (Feat. Bun B & Rich Boy)-M.I.A.
Listen Up!- The Gossip
Standing In The Way Of Control - The Gossip
Herculean-The Good, The Bad & The Queen
American Boy (Radio Edit w/ Kanye)-Estelle
Gimme More (DJ Weekend's Exposed Vajayjay Remix)-Britney Spears
Thunderstruck (Crookers Remix)-AC/DC
Hot (Ratatat Remix)-Missy Elliot Stay
Click Flash-Ciara
Spring And By Summer Fall-Blonde Redhead
I Decided (Part I)-Solange
Stepping Stone-Duffy
Piece of Me-Britney Spears
Run -Gnarls Barkley
Flashing Lights (Mano Uptempo Remix) -Kanye West
Make Me Sweat feat Roxanne Shante-Basement Jaxx
As Above, So Below (Justice Remix)-Klaxons
Temperature-Sean Paul
Push it-Garbage

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